I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize