I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
