She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
