you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
