but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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