just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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