I accidentally had phone sex last night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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