just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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