I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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