My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
