I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
