she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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