last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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