the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
