party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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