After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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