I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
