I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
