Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.