wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i came on her dog
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?