It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"