It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.