we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.