My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
