is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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