So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
