Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
