Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Shame - the story of my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
