whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
