Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
