Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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