I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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