Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
