what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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