My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
