No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
