I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is the high leading the old right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
