Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
