sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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