I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
