my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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