Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
