the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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