My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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