Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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