lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can you bring me the toilet please
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
