Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
