We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
