oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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