i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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