he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bring me that man meat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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