I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
