he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
