Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
