I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
