I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
