I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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