a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
