i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
