you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
