Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
