You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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