Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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