TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
