Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
