What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
