I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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