We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
