soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
