I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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