i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize