I will die if light touches me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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