She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
