i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
