We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
