I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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